Tuesday, May 01, 2007

2.5 Diggers? I Say It's Possible!

Textbooks can say a lot of stupid things as well, besides the sensible stuff. Of course, very few textbooks actually go to the extent of giving wrong stuff (unless they're sponsored by the State Government!), but there are some priceless examples which are technically correct, but just can't be allowed all the same!

Take for example, Organic Chemistry, by P.L. Soni. It lists out the uses of paper:
1) As tissue paper
2) As napkins and toilet paper
3) As gift wrapping paper
4) Envelopes and packaging
5) Cardboard
6) Sandpaper
7) Heat insulation
8) Writing and printing books
9) Printing newspapers
And yes, they are printed more or less in this order!

More examples to follow as the process of discovery continues. Watch this space.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Story of A Calculator

Hi. I'm just an ordinary calculator, belonging to an ordinary person and leading the ordinary life that most calculators do. I help my young lady with the stupid calculations that she doesn't have the brains to do herself and get her through her engineering exams.

People think life as a calculator can be boring but that's not true. Apart from getting to hear all the abuse and praise (yes, there is praise too!) that students heap upon their courses and teachers, I also get to see firsthand what they go through, and why they go through it. And apart from dry academic stuff, I'm also a firsthand witness to how young students behave in general, with their friends, with acquaintances and with strangers. And most of all with themselves.

I'm a dumb witness so I get to see without any pretense. Without these kids trying to be fake or trying to hide how they feel. People can be so nasty at times and so nice at others. And some people can be really so nasty and really so nice.

I got separated from my lady two days before her exams. Careless woman just left me in the classroom one day while trying to complete some class report, three hours overdue at that, and she had to call for help, and someone else picked me up after that. My lady lost all hope of recovering me, and hunted and hunted, so I heard, and was on the brink of buying another one to replace me. It's her luck that a sequence of nice young cultured gentlemen passed me on, one to another, until I landed up with a young man sitting two benches away from her in the exam hall. And he very graciously returned me to her, and I can tell you there was very sincere gratitude and genuine relief in her eyes. Which was needed, since she has begun to lose hope that there is goodness of heart and mind in this world.

The moral of the story is don't ever lose faith. Faith in what? In the innate niceness of people. It's difficult to believe people can still be good. I could very well have been kept by some unscrupulous young ruffian, or been sold by some member of the domestic staff for a little extra pocket money, or perhaps just been lying around for days in some lost lonely corner, seen by the eyes of none, my life wasted and deprived of the purpose for which I was built... but someone bothered to pick me up, maintain me and restore me to the person to whom I matter the most.

And that's why I also say: WRITE YOUR NAME AND CLASS ON YOUR CAL-C!!!

Friday, March 02, 2007

2.5 Diggers? Not Possible!

Of late, I've been fortunate enough to be reading scientific books, both the general variety and the textbook variety, and I've been reading good books. The most striking quality of these books is the way they have been written, informative enough that they grasp attention, and yet light hearted at the appropriate spots, so that they don't lose that attention. And as for the textbooks, even good textbooks are of two kinds: the kind that just drones on about the subject in a clear, complete, and concise manner, and the kind that does the same thing while ensuring it doesn't get monotonous.

There aren't too many examples I can quote here. I don't have that kind of energy. But I do want to record those few examples. I don't want to lose track of what I've realised. It's really cute when you're reading the thing with a serious mind, and then the author puts in an appropriate line to make you smile. That really allows you to enjoy the whole process of reading the thing.

Sample this for instance. This was taken from "Engineering Electromagnetics" by Hayt and Buck.
"It is philosophically satisfying to have the most general result and to feel that we are able to obtain results for any special case at will. However, such a jump would lead to many frantic cries of help, and not a few drowned students."

Another quote from the same text. "We are faced with a choice of many methods by which to evaluate this component, and we shall use but one method and leave the others as exercises for a quiet Sunday afternoon." (!!!)

And yet again. "Since one coulomb of electric flux is produced by one coulomb of charge, the inner conductor might just as well have been a cube or a brass door key rather than a sphere, and the total induced charge on the outer sphere would still be the same. Going one step further, we could now replace the outer sphere by an empty but completely closed soup can. Q coulombs on the can would produce W = Q line of electric flux and induce -Q coulombs on the tin can.
"If the soup were a perfect insulator, it could even be left in the can, without any difference in the results!"

For those who aren't exactly physics freaks, my apologies. It's amazing, the kind of things you can learn. While dealing with the physics of time, pure mathematicians (theoreticians all of them) have gone through the pain of creating worlds (in theory) where you can travel back in time. The entire story is given in "The River Of Time", by Igor Novikov, a book on quantum principles and how they affect time, for the layman. Quote:
"These worlds are generated by solving systems of equations of general relativity. It appears that the general opinion has been that these solutions have no connection whatsoever with reality, despite being of great interest for studying the structure of the theory itself. Everyone knows from one's acquaintance with school arithmetic that the formulae of a correct theory can give incorrect - 'physically meaningless' - results. It is sufficient to insert inappropriate numbers into the conditions of a problem, for arithmetic to generate an unacceptable result: say, to excavate a hole in the ground of volume 30 cubic metres in 4 days, with each digger capable of digging 3 cubic metres per day, you need... 2.5 diggers. Results of this sort made more than one pupil cry."

Thinking leads to chaos! And how! A brilliant example on how to understand entropy, given in the same book. I loved this one. I quote:

"The heat released as a consequence of 'memorizing' makes the ambient air warmer and thus increases 'chaos' (entropy) of the Universe. It is always larger than the order introduced into the storing device when information is recorded. Stephen Hawking gives the following example. If you learned by heart each word in a book like this, your memory would record about two million bits of information. This is the measure of how much order was created in your brain. However, reading the book, you have transformed at least a thousand calories of ordered energy stored in food into disordered heat dissipated into the atmosphere. This increases the chaos in the Universe by about twenty million million million million units of data. This is ten million million million times greater than the gain in order in your brain, and that only if you do remember everything in this book..."


Saturday, February 17, 2007

Triumph: The Importance of Being Nice

Good afternoon - honoured judges, esteemed teachers, and dear friends. I am Saxicola rubetra, from Class 12 Science, and having been offered this platform, I would like to express my views about the importance of being nice to people. It may seem to be an unusual topic, but when I finish, I think you’ll agree that it is a subject highly relevant to today’s teenagers. 

Hundreds of books have been written about social graces, etiquette and formal manners, ranging from fifty-page self help books of the one-minute variety, to sturdy volumes that include detailed histories of manners and etiquette. Formal manners might require help from a book, but what I wish to talk about is our basic attitude and behaviour towards our friends, family and colleagues in day to day life. That is something that cannot be learnt by reading any number of books. It has to come from within.

Parents tell children when they are little, that when someone gives them something, they should say thank you; if they do something wrong, they should say I am sorry; if they ask for something, they should say please. Children mechanically obey these instructions, without really understanding the meaning behind it all. That understanding comes only when they grow older and more mature. Having understood that thanking or apologizing is an expression of gratitude or regret, as the case may be, the sincerity of that expression should increase. On the contrary, we find that basically, as students grow older, they grow ruder.

Nobody really thinks about this at all. The case could be as simple as borrowing a pencil. When we were younger, we would go to a friend, who we definitely knew had one and ask very politely, please, may I have that. Nowadays, the situation is something like this. You need a pencil, you see one lying around in a pencil case, you don’t know who it belongs to; you pick it up and use it. How many would bother to put it back where it was taken from? Very few indeed. In a lot of cases the pencil in question is just thrown around somewhere and the owner is left to find it missing and then look for it. A pencil may not cost much, which is why people don’t bother too much. But this attitude of not caring for the fact that it does belong to someone else shows how unconcerned, how disrespectful we have become. We are very fastidious when it comes to our own stuff and very casual when it comes to other people’s things.


Our basic behaviour is what others judge us upon. The way we speak and act leads people to form their opinions of what we are, and what they can expect from us. People go to a lot of trouble to make a good first impression on new acquaintances. It might help to some extent, but how long does one go on making a pretence? If one is not basically nice by nature, the truth comes to the surface sooner or later. In your own friends’ circle you will notice, that when in trouble you tend to approach a few particular people more than others. And those particular people are much nicer in their general behaviour than the ones whom you don’t go to.


A self evaluation will show us how shockingly rude we have become. We take everyone and everything for granted. We are not bothered about misusing other people’s property. We do not care about being disrespectful to our elders. We say inappropriate things, which can really offend other people. We take a sadist pleasure in seeing other people squirm with embarrassment or humiliation. The worst is when we try to justify our misbehaviour quoting the other person’s conduct as a precedent.


Being nice shows consideration for other people. It shows that you are interested in creating harmony in society. It doesn’t really take a huge load of effort to be nice. It only needs a little change in attitude. That isn’t asking for too much, is it? If we were all a bit nicer to each other, the world could be a much better place for all of us to live in.


Thanks.






I remember this occasion in my last year in school, when we had this elocution competition, and all of us high school people had to be kicked by our teachers into participating, since we were too lazy to take the initiative ourselves. I was one of those kicked into it. And I didn't get past the preliminary round into the final on-stage round. But my teacher liked the prelim round speech I gave in class and she had me prepare it and speak it on stage anyway, as a guest speaker.

And that occasion was memorable. I'm a stage fright kind of person, and I usually go bonkers at the prospect of a public performance in front of an audience. And here I was, in front of three hundred people for the first time in my life. And it was great. I didn't fumble or stammer or forget anything of what I wanted to say. The feeling I had was beyond exhilaration. It was the feeling of triumph, over my own weakness, the joy that I had surmounted, for once at least, a mountain I always dreaded having to climb. It was just that: triumph.


Sunday, February 11, 2007

Blue Sky and Golden Sun

I'm sick. I'm sad. And I'm broken.

And I've missed the lecture of a screwy prof. The first lecture of the day. The first lecture of the first day of spring.

The first day of spring. It's warm again. The sun is shining again as the sun shines, golden shine warming up the green earth. It's beautiful; not blazing hot, yet sunny and bright. And I'm sad. And broken.

The first day of spring. Winter has been delightful, like it always is in these parts, but today brings the first blue sky in weeks. Bright blue, beautiful deep blue, blue in all its shades, from the eastern horizon to the western, and all shades merging together like no beginning and no end, no line and no border, reflecting the green and brown shades of the earth. I don't know why, but there is more green today upon the earth's face than there has been for weeks.

The first day of spring. Golden sun under a blue sky. I bunked the first lecture of the first day of spring. And I'm alone on the roof above the classroom where my fellow students are working their brains. While I work my senses. And above my head is the commonest sight humans ever see, but I'm seeing it in totally new light. The commonest thing people feel, but today I realize it. And I'm broken.

But I'm healing. Slowly.

Friday, January 19, 2007

The Heart That Beats

Yesterday I saw a tree. Just an ordinary beautiful tree. Spreading out large branches, covered with leaves. Little insects crawling all over its body, while larger, sometimes nastier, two-legged insects roamed uselessly around it.

Two moments later, I scaled it and came to rest in its boughs. A gentle breeze rustled through the leaves, creating a song. Not musical, yet enchanting, because intertwined in its tone was a delicate peal of laughter. Distinct, yet indistinguishable.

I lent my ear and my bosom to the tree. And I heard it whisper to me. I felt its heart beat against my own. As gently as the leaves flutter to the ground. Calming, soothing, comforting. Caring. I am solid, I am strong, I am faithful. I care. I felt a voice within whisper to me. It too has a heart that beats.

The day passed. I don't know how the day passed. And it ended very sadly.

I ran. I just ran. I don't know where I ran. But I just ran. And then I stopped. I dropped down. I was at the foot of a tree.

And once again I was surrounded by its arms. Once again I heard it sing so mysteriously. Once again it whispered comfort to me, as I felt my heavy heart beat.

I am solid. I am strong. I am faithful.

I care.

And you must care for me too. For, I too have a heart that beats.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Random Thought Process? Hmmm...

People, people and more people, presenting the seemingly random yet intricately complex and altogether marvellously chaotic thought process of two young residents of the living kingdom...
Power to the White Moon!

The Holiday Armadillo: i'm just ferklempted so i am saying crap
The Dragon Lady: no matter
The Dragon Lady: go on talking as u like
The Holiday Armadillo: hehe... one of the true patrons of the true form of nonsense
The Holiday Armadillo: ahhhh... how i misss this
The Dragon Lady: i know... i get high on the air and start talking crap...
The Dragon Lady: and ppl tell me to shut up
The Holiday Armadillo: they hardly know anything about any sense... whoever expected them to understand nonsense...
The Dragon Lady: rite...
The Holiday Armadillo: there are very few people left who can understand our kind of non sense
The Dragon Lady: eksaktly
The Holiday Armadillo: the victorian kind
The Dragon Lady: uve hit the nail on its head
The Dragon Lady: the poor wall is screamin frm the pain
The Holiday Armadillo: the nail hit me on the hammers head
The Dragon Lady: owwww! tht wudve hurt
The Holiday Armadillo: nope... the nail is screaming cuz it twisted its point
The Holiday Armadillo: too hard a skull you see...
The Dragon Lady: oh my god! the nail lost its nose!
The Dragon Lady: aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...
The Holiday Armadillo: i see you got the POINT at the END
The Dragon Lady: ah yes... the end... to which all our discussion was pointed...
The Holiday Armadillo: yup, it pretty much had me right on the edge
The Dragon Lady: yeah... tis fun when ur turning the corner
The Holiday Armadillo: give up already... the moment has passed
The Holiday Armadillo: lol
The Dragon Lady: i know... sigh!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Hold Closely...

Dictionary Definition:
hug/verb
hold closely in one's arms, keep close to
hug/noun
a hugging movement

It's been a long time since I hugged someone. Since I really hugged someone. Since I really held them so close I could hear their heart beating, so tight I could almost not breathe, so completely as though we wouldn't ever let go, so lovingly, as though someone was filling warmth like a liquid into my entire frame, flesh and soul.

Hugging is a very powerful act, but people don't realise it. A 'little' thing, yet conveys a lot. Nothing else will give you the feeling of love, protection, security, kinship, comfort simultaneously in a potent mixture so magical it has no equal.

The last time someone hugged me was when a friend comforted me, fresh after someone else had quarrelled majorly with me, almost treacherously. I couldn't let go of her, and for the first time in my life I shed tears in public. The tears couldn't stop, but it didn't feel wrong, while I was in my friend's arms, receiving solace.

A hug is especially powerful when someone else gives it to you. And you can't expect to receive a hug unless that someone truly understands that you need comfort but can't express it, can't ask for it. A hug you ask for can never equal one you receive without asking. Because the latter means your friend knows you, cares for you and watches over you.

And nothing is so ecstatic and heart-warming as the knowledge, when you are feeling low and vulnerable, that you are so well loved by someone, who isn't of your blood or flesh, but treats you like you were.

Today is International Hug Day (apparently). 23 hours and 59 minutes have gone by since the day began, and I haven't yet received a hug from anyone. Probably because no one knows that it's Hug Day. And even more probably because a hug is something spontaneous. You don't need a special day for this.

But I miss a hug. It's been very long...

And that, every time, is what makes it so precious.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

And Where's the Desire for Freedom?

I live in a cage. A condition to which I willingly resigned myself in exchange for an opportunity to shape my future by furthering my academic prowess (if that’s wht they have the temerity to title the crap they dish out here). I mean, this is quite literally a cage, because I’m under lock and key for nine hours every night. The fact that I keep the key notwithstanding.

The most ironic part of this arrangement is how we complained and screamed initially about it, and now one year down the line, we are so used to it, we can’t live without the cage. There was an outrage last night when I locked the gate half an hour later than the correct time.

It happens like that on a much wider scale to a broader extent in a huge variety of aspects of life too. We complain in outrage about our restrictions. About the subjugation we are forced to endure, to be allowed to exist. About the unfairness of it all. And then we get so comfortable in our cage, we don’t feel like leaving it. We feel insecure outside the cage. Without the lock. We don’t want to venture out, seek the path we so fervently once desired, spread our wings and learn to fly. And then we can’t bear to be allowed free. Even when we ourselves hold the key.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Beautiful

You're beautiful to me.

Even in your absence, your essence is enchanting.

I could capture your smile and engrave it in stone, and there would it remain carven for as long as weather chose.

I could enshrine the twinkle of your eyes in a single leaf on a single stalk of a single branch of a single plant, and it would grow thence, as long as the tree of love is watered.

I could weave your voice into the bars of the wind, and hear the sound of comfort caress me every time the earth breathes.

I could ensnare your laughter in the flame of fire, to shine bright and warm my soul, in the cold of the moonlit night.

Most precious of all is the pristine clarity of your mind, the flawless logic of your reason, and the magical madness of your creativity. Beautiful is the rationality of thought, and rational is its beauty.

And enthralling is your spirit, even in your absence.

And beautiful you are to me.

(Dedicated to ASR)